I'm about to post my Top List “English Books” at 8pm, but the heck yeah I was busy watching K-Tv show A Style For You hosted by Heechul, Hara, Hani and Bora and ended up going to Indomaret at 9pm to buy some snacks because I was hungry to death though I ate a lot this afternoon at my campus canteen (this is why I couldn’t be any thinner as I’ve imagined, d’oh I need to get my sanity back, should back to healthy life again, seriously Ollyvia, you have to!!!).

And now here I am, writing this post at 11:30pm. Well, it’s not actually what I wanted to write about, this time I talk about my English novel/book collections I’ve purchased at Books & Beyond last July. It was the first time I went crazy buying those novels and illustrated book written in English without thinking too deep, it just happened when I crossed Siloam hospital after buying some bread at Singapore bakery, I saw there was a book store inside the hospital, I was curious so I walked in the book store, and there were so many books on Sale that day, I purchased two novels by Sophie Kinsella and ended up buying more novels which weren’t on Sale just because I judged the novels from the cover haha I love seeing the illustration printed on the cover, I also bought ka Diana Rikasari’s first illustrated book. I;ve spent around IDR 750.000 or more but they all treasure troves to me, I can improve my English by reading them :) so I didn’t feel any regret.

Summer days been here in a row for 4 month, there’s no rainy day for these past 4 months, crayyyzeeeh I’m starting to miss the coziness I’ll get from cuddle weather :’0 Truth to be truth I stopped reading my first English novel (it’s Paper Towns) over this hot and dry season (I just can’t finish it for some reason, busy with thesis, internship, family issue and the fact my books and novels already transferred to Balikpapan now) so, I’ve compiled a list of books I want to read in the next few months when I come back to my hometown, I’ll be there this week yay finally.

1. Paper Towns by John Green. I’ve been curious to reading this novel for the longest time because I’ve heard good reviews about Green's famous novel The Fault In Our Stars from everyone I ask, I already read the ebook I downloaded from the internet, I also watched the movie and I love it. So this Paper Towns had been the first novel I decided to read, though I haven't finished it yet (will do this week). I already watched the Paper Towns movie and I love it too, I personally related to Margo's actual personality. In the movie and novel Margo allows other to view her personality as would suit her looks. She doesn’t correct them on the fact that she is quite a mysterious person, loves folk music and poetry, sometimes she has selfishness, she is self-absorbed but she is also a funny girl. No one at school really understands her. She is very adventurous. She has edgy style. The fact she doesn't give any false hope to Quentin (blame the Quentin because he thought the opposite), that somehow related to my recently issue with someone I have written at The Reasons Why We Can't. I love the ending story where she has to find a home where she belongs, and where she can be herself because Margo always lives on the edge.

As I’ve grown up, I have learned that less is more. The meaning of that sentence is specifically true when it comes to my closet. I am about moving back to my hometown, I packed up all my belongings in Manado, I set aside some pieces that I’ve worn on and know I won’t wear again then I gave some of them to my cousins and some I gave them to my friends. I just don’t know what to do with them anymore. I've stopped shopping since a year ago, I still have free clothes and shoes because of sponsorship, I am thankful for the partnership but for now I prefer to save my money in the bank because I want to pursue my dream and it needs a lot of money and efforts. For now, less is certainly more. It’s life changing when you go for quality over quantity. My closet in Balikpapan will thank me later.
I'll be smarter to mix and match my clothes and I will continue to do my best with this blog and keeping you guys inspired!

| WHAT I WORE : H&M lace dress (bought in Japan) / PERSHOENALIZE.COM (sponsored also designed by myself) shoes |

"To be beautiful means to be yourself, you don't need to be accepted by others, you need to accept yourself."

I remember this quote ka Githa Moran gave to me when I joined creative workshop "CERITA KITA BATCH 2". I believe we are often feeling insecure with ourselves just because we think (yeah it comes from our own mind first) that others are always better/more beautiful/smarter/more charming/more creative than us. We tend to use our masks and try to hide the flaws/weakness/imperfections from public. If you still wear your mask, you'll never find your happiness, you'll never be honest to yourself, you'll never have freedom to express yourself. Believe me that life is not about to impress everyone, is about to express the true of yourself. 

I used to be girl who aren't thankful enough for everything, it's hard for me to accept myself, I often wished I had someone's life, someone's body. I want to be as thin as thin girls, I want to be as pretty as pretty girls, I want to be as white as white girls, I want to be as flawless as flawless girls. But I realized that God has given me life to be different from others, to be outstanding in my way, to be the best version of myself, to be able to see the real me because I am just beautiful me like Selena Gomez said.

Every good looking photos / awesome events / hanging out with awesome or famous people / inspiring words posted and written on social medias doesn't always mean they always have amazing life and yours is not. We have our own failures, difficulties, issues.
If you still see my life is better than yours, it because you are just seeing your life in negativity and always look at the bad sides while I am living my life in positivity and choose to be a thankful person, instead of having to complain about my weakness or talking bad about others. My senior, Rizki Emor once said this to me at skate park;

1. Our entire life…consists ultimately in accepting ourselves as we are (Jean Anouih). Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are. Many of us were raised to not see their own worth. Let's learn to love ourselves so we can be more open and compassionate to others.

2. Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one (Eleanor Roosevelt). Don't lose your confidence, don't crave for attention and admirations, never live on the reflections of yourself in the eyes of others.

3. I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live up to what light I have (Abraham Lincoln). To accept yourself means you understand the meaning of valuing your imperfections as much as your perfections.

4. If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you’ll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren’t even giving to yourself (Barbara De Angelis). Be more mindful of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviour. Know your vulnerabilities as well as your strengths and achievements and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy.

5. Love is the great miracle cure. Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives. Louise L. Hay). To love yourself does not mean you're being self-absorbed or narcissistic and disregarding others. It's the way to welcome yourself as the most honored guest in your own heart.

My Advice : You can love yourself, but please never love yourself too much. You need to love your family, your friends, your neighbours, your classmates, your husband/wife, your boss, your employees, your students, your teachers, your gurus, well my conclusion is you need to love people as well because life is about balancing everything <3

I can't help but think about the life I'll have after leaving college officially, after I receive my Bachelor’s certificate and go back to my hometown, Balikpapan, I am really afraid to think about it. I'm going through the exact same thing as fresh graduates feel, it sounds silly to some of you, I get it. What makes me feel afraid is I honestly have no exact plans yet ;’) I planned some though, about to take fashion course to learn designing clothes/shoes/bags or tailoring, for the longest time I also planned to study abroad maybe in Japan, Europe, Australia or maybe somewhere in Asia. But recently I’ve been asked to be Epidemiology lecturer, while part of me wants to work at Hospital for few years and see where the wind takes me from there. I guess I just have to wait and see where the 6 months take me. Hopefully whatever the decision I take, it will lead me to the right path full of blessings for mom&dad and everyone :)